So you've decided to get a Divorce...

THE FOLLOWING BLOG IS FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. FOR SPECIFIC LEGAL ADVICE PLEASE CONTACT A LAWYER LICENSED TO PRACTICE LAW IN YOUR STATE

So you've decided to get a divorce. I bet it was one of the hardest decisions you have ever made.  Whether it was a decision that you came to quickly, or one that you labored over for years, it was a decision that was probably met with a great deal of sadness.  After all, you didn't get married with the expectation of getting a divorce did you?

With the filing for the divorce comes a great deal of emotional angst.  No one like's change, and change of this nature is much more difficult.  Sometimes your spouse will see this coming and there will almost be a sense of relief, as the proverbial other shoe has now dropped.  For others it will be as if they were hit by a cement truck as a result of their constant desire to ignore the unhappy atmosphere in which they have been living.

No matter what the initial reaction is, hold on the worst is yet to come.

While every divorce is different, it is very customary for the filing for divorce to result in heightened distrust between spouses.  Does this happen all the time? No, but it is very common and it is for that reason that you should prepare accordingly.

Preparation has served you well throughout your life and it will do so at this- one of the most pivotal points in your life.  Given the ever looming possibility that distrust will further permeate your relationship, establish factual information that may benefit not only you but your spouse as well throughout the duration of your divorce.

Whoa...what do I mean when I say that it may benefit you and your spouse, well consider a few things: (1) this is an unusual situation for you, probably your first divorce; (2) your spouse who at least at one time was your best friend may be painted by some to be your hardened adversary now; (3) your imagination can play tricks on you and when you are surrounded  by partial facts swimming in assumptions. For example, does an ATM receipt infer that your spouse is illegally hiding money or did he or she just need to pay an attorney a retainer fee or was there the need  for an expensive car repair?  I don't know, but if you can start with a factual basis in which you trust,  you will not have as many sleepless nights. Don't assume that your spouse will be willing to answer all of your questions in a nice, cooperative manner once they realize that you want to continue your life without them.

So what should you do?  Like the foundation of your home, start from the bottom and work your way up.

(1) Make copies of ALL financial documents which you legally have access to. Not sure what this means, contact a lawyer licensed to practice law in your specific state.  The financial documents I am referencing are bank statements, mortgage and home equity loan statements, tax returns, articles of incorporation for closely held businesses, frequent flier miles, automobile lease statements, credit card statements, copies of your child's 529 statements, 401(k) statements, IRA statements, Certificate of Deposits, Saving Bonds,   etc.  For how long? Well, in life you'd rather have too much than too little, but 3-5 years is a good baseline.

(2)Order a copy of your credit report.  There are three credit bureaus and you have the right to obtain a credit reports from each bureau. In Wisconsin, you have the right to a FREE credit report from each on the three credit bureaus each year.  Get one now, order another one in a few months and another right before your divorce is complete.  It is not uncommon, especially in community and marital property states to find debts that you where not even aware of.  So look.

(3) Assess your own mental status. If you are having a hard time with the prospect of divorcing, obtain the assistance of a therapist or counselor.  If you are not properly dealing with what you are facing you will probably make decisions that you will regret later. Decisions which may have lasting effects not only on you, but your kids as well.  This is even more important if you are or have been the victim of spousal abuse. If there is one time in your life to be honest with yourself now is the time.

(4) Consult a Lawyer. Regardless of whether or not you have the ability to afford a lawyer, you hopefully have enough money for a 1 hour consultation where you can learn about the laws in your state, and get an idea of what you are up against.  If your hiring a lawyer, feel free to meet with several lawyers.  Each lawyer approaches their job differently.  Make sure that if you hire a lawyer that their personality meshes with your own.

(5) Determine What Kind of Divorce is Best for You.  Some states like Wisconsin allow for different types of divorce.  Some types like "Collaborative Divorce" or "Cooperative Divorce" may fit your needs and the needs of your family better than a traditional divorce, so take your time and weigh your options carefully.

Now that you are looking at the situation clearly, you will have points of reference to determine if your spouse is being truthful. If they are great, your divorce will probably go by faster and at a lesser cost.  If they are not being truthful you can focus your attention on what you know in an effort to determine what you still have to learn.  

While the decision to get a divorce was not an easy one, it is one which hopefully places you on the path to greater happiness and prosperity down the road.  Good Luck and remember just because you start a divorce does not mean that you will get a divorce, sometimes people do in fact change. Conduct yourself in a way that you can be proud of not only now but 30 years from now.

For more information on Divorce in the State of Wisconsin please visit:

"WisconsinCollaborativeDivorce.Com"